Why Will Coaching Help ?
Sometimes the demands and responsibilities of life get to be too challenging and the skills people need (especially executive function skills) are not the skills that they have. Even when someone "should" be able to meet expectations, they somehow fall short - repeatedly. For people with ADHD, autism, dyslexia, and other diagnoses and learning profiles, executive function skills are typically not yet fully developed and their brains are wired differently which results in their inability to respond to and meet expectations in the same way that neurotypical brains are. There is a neurobiological and chemical basis for their inability to meet expectations that we can't see but is real. Parents, teachers, doctors, therapists, and others try to help with medication, behavioral management techniques like rewards and consequences, reminders, tutors, therapy, and so forth, but these typically don't work.
Unfortunately, it can feel like no matter how much effort goes in to helping, nothing changes. And in fact, instead of helping, things actually get worse. Anger, depression, arguments, defensiveness, lying, avoidance, shutting down, and other challenging and sometimes destructive behaviors and emotions become the norm. If this sounds familiar, 2tametheshamE, Inc coaching can help.
The truth is, that these unmet expectations, behaviors and emotions won't be helped by traditional approaches like behavioral management techniques or therapy alone because the unmet expectations, the behaviors, and the emotions are not purely behaviorally or emotionally based; the person's actions are not just a matter of willpower, motivation or effort. In order for change to happen, new skills need to be learned; those skills are executive function skills. As Dr. Thomas Brown says in The Disruptors, "it is a matter of the dynamics of the chemistry in the brain" and it requires intervention at the point of skills, not just emotional support and behavioral intervention and modification.
The unmet expectations are most often due to lagging skills that are directly related to a person's invisible, brain-based disability such as ADHD, anxiety, dyslexia, etc.. The challenge is that these lagging skills can look like lack of motivation, laziness, lack of willpower or effort. They require 1:1 instruction patience, compassion, encouragement, accountability, practice, and repetition; and the older someone is, the harder it is to learn. This is how 2tametheshamE, Inc. executive function skill coaching helps! Coaching provides this skill-based support in a compassionate, encouraging way with the necessary accountability that fades over time as skills are acquired.
People think that because someone is smart and seems capable, that they "should" be able to do well; that they automatically have everything needed to be successful as long as they try; as long as they apply themselves. If they aren't successful, people wrongly assume they are lazy, unmotivated, not disciplined, or aren't trying hard enough. We try to help by imposing meaningful and significant consequences.
The reality, though, is that in most of these situations, people want to do well but they can't; and they can't because they don't yet have the skills to meet the expectations. They have the motivation; they don't want to endure the consequences but they have no choice because they don't know what to do differently. They are stuck.
The only way forward is a multimodal approach that at a minimum must include targeted instruction and support in the lagging executive function skills. To be sure, medication, therapy, tutoring and other supports may also be needed, but without targeted instruction in executive function skills and the required accountability to implement them consistently, no incentive or consequence will result in any meaningful change. With executive function skill coaching combined with a compassionate, relationship-based, whole-person, collaborative approach, skills will be learned, success will be achieved, challenging behaviors will decrease, and this transformation will lead to mini-successes and increased confidence and then to bigger successes and thriving!